April 30 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal—the Final Entry

Above: April 30 in the 2012 fake Journal. This entry extends onto the endsheet of the inside back cover. I've cropped the image so that the boards of the cover can be viewed around the edges of the open book. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 30, 2012 6 a.

Samantha, I pondered this morning the idea of mug shots. None of us looks good in them. Not me, not Ronnie Biggs—I leave this sketch as a memento for you. I hope that they let you have it out of evidence.

Since we both know that you knew that I knew that you would have access to everything I wrote here are a couple parting points:

1. Police response time is easy to test with an ankle monitor—but yes I really was sketching clouds—I haven't burnt a pot of rice since I was seven, however.

2. Martha Stewart was right: ankle monitor removal is easy—especially if you have a "refrigerator repairer" friend who brings in tools. (You were busy searching so I didn't introduce you.)

3. Karl's note wasn't in code. The only really useful code with which to send notes is to have no code—to be the code. His message was to leave.

4. You were never going to find Jimmy Ping's list, no matter how many times you tossed my house. I'm the list. Hidden in plain sight. I keep the catalog of every fake Jimmy signed. I've been his memory since I joined the firm in 1984. He's dead now—if you'd been less rigid I might have shared…

5. Keep looking for the real "Boy in the red vest," because the recently recovered one is a fake…the worst I've ever done. Jimmy and Karl have never let me live down that awkward arm.

6. Tampax tubes make a great hiding place for rolls of cash. No one ever searches them—it's easy to make the wrappers look untouched.

One more thing. The truth about mugshots—we change. I don't look like mine at all any longer…

In some ways it's easier today to disappear than it was in Bigg's day (Especially if you're non-violent). And I have more internal resources than he did—since I don't crave what he craves.

Thanks to all those miles on the trainer I'm fit. I have a destination. (Help yourself to the resistence [sic] trainer wheel upstairs. It's top of the line. The Robbie Ventura "Race Day" video is great.)

Don't expect to see me again…but I expect you'll look.

Please turn out the lights when you leave. Thanks. SNT

[Note at base of back cover where bookbinder's signature is located: RMS 07.04.09] 

4.12.12 I really like this book and would get more but someone said you can't have hard covered books in prison because you can make skivs out of the boards. It will be a learning experience.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sketch was made with a 2B mechanical pencil on T.H.Saunders Waterford 90 lb. hot press watercolor paper.

April 29 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 29 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 29, 2012 8:50 p.

Marta stopped by with a bag of books and magazines for me to read—including two issues of "Lucky Peach." It's a rather addictive foodie magazine. I guess that's the best way to categorize it. You have to love a magazine which includes stickers!

I started baking bread again today in honor of Marta's visit. Best do it while I have a kitchen. I'm trying not to think of all the things I'll miss in prison.

[Image caption] April 29, 2012 4:30 p.  window #12 looking southeast.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 28 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 28 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 28, 2012 10 p.

Unhappy with yesterday's efforts at disruption Samantha returned today with a crew to thoroughly toss the house. People swarmed everywhere; pictures were pulled from the wall and removed from their frames. I haven't even attempted to reorganize. At least I didn't have to watch. The refrigerator installer returned during the commotion. He adjusted the new unit's temperature controls. Frozen celery is not edible. My handyman Joe also arrived. Helped by his son Tom he installed all the window a.c. units—in time to beat the inevitable warmer temperatures. Now I have a temperature controlled environment for my celery and for me.

[Image caption] April 28, 2012 12:22 p.  window #2 looking up and northeast.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The pencil used in the drawing is a Faber-Castell Albrecht Dürer Watersoluble Colored Pencil and the sky is rendered with gouache.

My internet connection seems to be working again—fingers crossed as I rush to get the final 3 days of this up so we can go on to other things—like the contest drawing winner!

April 27 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 27 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 27, 2012 11 p.

A completely insane day. How can being under house arrest be so hectic? Samantha came early to poke around for infractions. I walked away and sat at my drawing board while she destroyed the feng shui. She was still at it when Kelsey arrived for her tutorial. The whole world knows about my indiscretions but it seems that Kelsey's parents, slower or more self-absorbed than most only know now; they want their 21-yr-old to have no more contact—against which of course Kelsey is rebelling. She insisted on spending our session, which if her parents have their way, is our last discussing the merits of art forgery as a career choice. I know she just wants to understand me finally and to line up what she believes she knows with what she can't understand. It's not even tempting to justify. I feel even more protective towards her. I simply explained the world has changed, the business has changed. Her skills are useful elsewhere. Why go into matters of temperament? In any discussion as to motives you can't get away from the word "fraud." Somewhere in all her questions is that little girl's voice, trembling and hurt that I didn't see the potential in her. In time this will be a funny after dinner anecdote for her. "It turns out the art teacher I had in my teens was a master forger…" She helped me tidy up. I gave her a small self-portrait she's always admired…in case her parents have their way and there is no "next Friday."

[Image caption] April 27, 2012 5 p.  window #12 looking southeast and way up…and using the last of that crap cobalt…

[Side note, left side of painting] tore the paper!

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 26 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 26 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

[Inserted note on light blue Magnai Pescia.] Sweet thing, you are my best girl, a treasure. Karl

April 26, 2012 10 p.

It's odd not to hear from Karl in months and then this note. He's more lawyered up and locked down than I am. Tuesday Pauly said that things were not going well for Kar's case, so I guess I'm not surprised to receive such a cryptic and slightly maudlin note—"Best girl," I never was. Nor sweet—unless acid is sweet. As a mentor Karl always needed translating into the vernacular. But how like him to scrawl his note on a bit of pescia. So casual with resources as he gets ready for jail.

[Image caption] April 26, 2012 1:35 p.  looking northeast.

[Note: "window 2" omitted]

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The pencil used in the drawing is a Faber-Castell Albrecht Dürer Watersoluble Colored Pencil and the sky is rendered with gouache.

April 25 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 25 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 25, 2012 10 p.

Pauly solved the refrigerator crisis in zero time. He daily earns his retainer. But no sooner did the appliance guy leave with the old refrigerator than the construction noise started up. Pauly can't do anything about that. All day it has been the whine and thump of machinery as old road is sawed up, busted out, and removed. Sometimes for fun some metallic banging was thrown in. Now that their long work day is finished, and at least for now no night crew has shown up I've finally realized there is no noise to hear. The new Whirlpool hums along so whisper quiet that I stood in the kitchen several minutes staring into space, wondering what I'd "forgotten." And then I had to open and close the door several times to convince myself it was really on! 

[Image caption] April 25, 2012 10:06 a.  window #1 There is a promise of a lovely day in these fast-moving, dramatically changing clouds. I can sit on the floor and look up and out the window for hours—but time would be better spent on the trainer.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 24 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 24 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 24, 2012 9:50 p.

I couldn't stand it any more—no matter where I went in the house or how many doors I closed I couldn't escape the loud, insistent burbling and whirring of the refridgerator [sic]—like a giant's stomach in need of pepto bismal. I've even been wearing ear plugs at night!

Pauly took all my wish list highlights down at the end of our meeting—admitting that even he couldn't stand the noise for a brief time. He promised to send an intern to arrange purchase and delivery. For this at least I don't mind being housebound. But it is very hard to think, and plan, and work with this noise. Another lengthy bicycling session is my only recourse…wheel noise drowning out the other.

[Image caption] April 24, 2012 11:50 p.  window #1 high up, only a smidge of cloud. Overcoming my objections to F.U.B. 

Note: F.U.B. refers to the pigment name French Ultramarine Blue.


The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 23 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 23 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 23, 2012 11:10 p.

Embarrassment again—but I couldn't think of anything else to do but set off the alarm. I'd come outside to do my painting and the old door knob lock—which has no key—decided to shift into place. I must have twisted the knob when I opened it to exit. Without a cell phone on me how was I to reach anyone—if not by setting off my alarm?

I think all the anger directed towards me by the police was displaced disappointment over a poor response time of 14 minutes. I know they will bill me for this, but I'm just glad it happened on a clear day and I didn't have to wait in the rain.

A 24-hour locksmith approved by the police has just left…taking the offending door knob with him, so this can't happen again. I've even stashed a new key outside in case I'm less than vigilant with the workings of the new lock. 

[Image caption] April 23, 2012 6:35 p.  window #12 looking southeast from outside the door.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 22 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 22 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 22, 2012 10:15 p.

The paper carried a small self congratulatory piece on the death of Jimmy Ping today. The report was curt and moralistic. It lacked any insight or background—nothing on his survival through WWII and his later escape from Communist China. Nothing on his abilities to support, protect, and save an ever growing extended family with nothing more than wit and bravery. OK, also cunning. No one was more honest and true—or more cunning.

The reporters attributed his suicide to remorse and a desire to avoid prison time. Ping lived without remorse—only great joy: an inner joy even prison cannot deprive you of. People will never know nor care. This last decision was based like all others on the realities of present life—stage 5 cancer.

It is not difficult to accept his choice. It is distressing to imagine officials swarming through his lovely, simple home; ransacking it in a futile attempt to find his records and get some grasp of his oeuvre—a list perhaps of all those forgeries he signed so expertly. I will miss his joy.

[Image caption] April 22, 2012 1:05 p.  window #1 The beginning of a brief break in the clouds. Then a brilliant blue and white sky and then as quickly an all grey sky.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 21 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 21 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 21, 2012 10:05 p.

I have been sorting my books. When was I home long enough to accumlate all these boks? What is best done with them now? They form a library of min interests—ideas I devoured because of curiostiy or sometimes pique. Some books stand as reminders of my succubus days. The essential attraction of the adored they represent is forgotten. All that's left is this or that row of books—their essential interests…which for a time were mine. My life and mind mirror this library. There are reflections clear and dazzling of me, shelved with the contradictions I railed against and discarded. Collections are a dangerous tell.

[Image caption] April 21, 2012 6:55 p.  window #1 a break in the grey sky showed brilliant white clouds above…but mostly it was dark grey whispy [sic] clouds over lighter grey…

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 20 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 20 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 20, 2012 9:10 p.

Today I asked Kelsey to focus this week on vision. I had suggested several weeks ago that she read Aldous Huxley's "The Art of Seeing." But now I want her to pay close attention to "unconscious vision"—not just the rapid reflex of sensing danger…which one should always cultivate. Nor the type Huxley describes as exhibited by "the man who threads his way through traffic…He has no distinct conscious awareness of objects around him, and yet his body behaves as though he were aware." that too is an essential skill to cultivate. But I want her instead to focus on the "most normal" kind—"all those parts of the sense field which we do not select for purpose of perception." In this way she will develope [sic] her editing eye. She has no awareness yet of how this relates to what she wants to say in her art. She remains vague, fuzzy and trite. 

[Image caption] April 20, 2012 3:57 p.  window #12 looking southwest. The cheap blue pigment bled up into my lovely cloud.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 19 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 19 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

[Image caption] April 19, 2012 3:48 p.  window #12 looking straight out to where my lilacs have bloomed, reaching high over the fence and the neighbor's dead tree, which she chops at but never removes, pleads for mercy on the other side. Grey, grey day—crap blue paint still on the palette. Migraine.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The pencil used in the drawing is a Faber-Castell Albrecht Dürer Watersoluble Colored Pencil and the sky is rendered with gouache.

April 18 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 18 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 18, 2012 10 p.

I am ever grateful for my seemingly infinite capacity to entertain myself—anything and everything can interest me. I can study a rock for hours and not only enjoy its surface and its science but find myself hours later still wondering what role it played in history and who trod on it.

Coupled with my tolerance for routine it has been easy to rack up more hours on the indoor bicycle. It doesn't shift the same as my outdoor bike and the trainer's resistence [sic] wheel is not the same as road drag—but my hands are grateful to be spared the road noise. I continue to pedal furiously, going nowhere.

[Image caption] April 18, 2012 2:18 p.  window #3

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The pencil used in the drawing is a Faber-Castell Albrecht Dürer Watersoluble Colored Pencil and the sky is rendered with gouache.

April 17 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 17 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

[Quotation from Kevin Smith's Book, readable in jpg.]

Kevin Smith in "Tough Sh*t" p. 89 a bit of a confused point about being in the game of life with passion and quitting on one's own terms. But one always has to know where the puck is going to be. I am enjoying this book.

[Image caption] April 17, 2012 11:50 p.  window #12 outside the porch looking southeast.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The pencil used in the drawing is a Faber-Castell Albrecht Dürer Watersoluble Colored Pencil and the sky is rendered with gouache.

April 16 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 16 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 16, 2012 4:30 p. 

Busy day so far for visitors. Samantha stopped by to check on me. She looked very sour when she surveyed the damage, limited as it was. The appliance guy overlapped her visit. Everything is OK and no actual damage. I don't even need a new stove. I do on the other hand need a new pot. Pauly brought one by when he stopped in to have me sign some papers. He was full of last Thursday's news of the recovered Cezanne, stolen in 2008, Boy in a red vest. I have never liked this painting—or any of the existing versions so I couldn't join in his excitement.

[Image caption] April 16, 2012 window #1 11:26 a. pretty  much the view all around. That cheap cobalt (imitation) and lots of white—just to feel the thickness of the paint.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

Less Than a Week Left in International Fake Journal Month 2012

I'll return to posting pages from my 2012 fake journal tomorrow—but today I wanted to take a moment to say "Congratulations!" If you have been working along on your own fake journal this month you are 7 days from finishing (if you count today!). That's huge. You set a goal and you've been working towards it.

Even if you have had to miss a day, or if you started late, I hope that you will take a moment today and savor the fact that you have been working towards your goal.

Then you need to get back to work!

And in the last 7 days there is still a lot of work to get done.

Ask yourself the following questions and think about your upcoming entries.

1. Is there a narrative going on and if so is it going to be open ended or will it wrap up?

2. If your narrative is going to wrap up think about what you need to get across in the next few days and make a couple notes. You aren't pre-writing anything, you're thinking about what might happen. Keep this list handy when you sit down and get into your character. Can he or she get some of those details down into an entry? If not, perhaps that's not really where you are heading and you need to listen to that.

3. Remind yourself what your goals for IFJM 2012 were when you started. Did you meet all those goals? Those goals may have been as straightforward as "make an entry each day," "draw with only this special pencil each day," etc.

4. If you have not met one or more of your goals ask yourself how you can still meet those particular goals before the end of the month. For instance, if your goal was to draw buildings but your character craftily avoided looking at buildings for the entire month, put him or her in a situation where she or he has to do that in 3 or 4 of the remaining entries. Go on, you can do it!

5. Are there questions about your character that have not been explored or answered to your satisfaction? Now is the time for him or her to write a little self-analysis in his or her journal?

This is just a short list of possible approaches you can look at in the remaining 7 (or 6 if you've worked in your journal today) entries of your fake journal. Don't end the month with regrets. Push your character to look at his or her life with renewed clarity.

And remind yourself you're almost at the end. Keep going!

April 15 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 15 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 15, 2012 7:30 p. 

All is calm and easy for me today. I love having an accountant. All is due tomorrow but it has already been taken care of. I have no tax worries at least.

[Image caption] April 15, 2012 1:40 p.  window #1 looking up. It stopped raining hours ago.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 14 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 14 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 14, 2012 10:30 p. 

Embarrassment today with food and fire. Under nine minutes response time—I know because when the alarm went off I was looking at the stove and saw its clock, and I'd just flipped open my cell phone and seen its clock when police and fire arrived. They found me in the yard with a burnt pot of rice and my phone. (Embarrassment 10 fold—I haven't burned a pot of rice in 20 years.)

Response time not bad since the alarm company has to call—and they were quite hostile about why I didn't call first. So you try to hoist an extinguisher and dial and not get burned. Happily there is no real damage according to the firemen—except to my cooking pride. But even now, three hours later, there is a horrible smell in the house.

[Image caption] April 14, 2012 6:10 p.  window #12 on the porch looking west. A changeable day. All sunny and blue this a.m., then hazy grey, and now some darker clouds mixing in.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 13 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 13 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 13, 2012 7:15 p. 

Kelsey's tutorial today. SHe had fewer studies than I had hoped. She seems distracted and not applied. I suggested that she give up Twitter and Facebook and, gasp, even TV, for a month. That she use that time to focus on her studies, making sketch after sketch. That she even just sit alone with herself and think. That is the greatest luxury the younger generation has tossed away for internet connectivity, not privacy. You can always achieve a level of privacy simply by walking away, disconnecting. It may not be pristine or inviolate, but it's privacy that can be rebuilt. But I think when you miss those early days of listening to yourself you miss learning to recognize what yourself really sounds like. Then when you try to speak creatively it's just bull shit.

I'm thriving on my internet sabbatcial.

[Image caption] April 13, 2012 11:30 a. All windows a grey flatness which nevertheless glows. Raining all morning

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 12 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 12 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 12, 2012 9:50 p. 

I live in a no-man's land of food delivery. Yes there are grocery services, and kind friends who stop by with specialty treats like ice cream and cake, and of course too many pizza choices. But the restaurants with the foods I love see 280 as a barrier. For St. Paul restaurants the fact that I'm just west of 280 is a deal breaker. It's as if they are afraid gravity will let go past 280! They will courier food to Woodbury and beyond, miles and miles away. They refuse my closer destination as impossible. And for the Minneapolis restaurants—you'd think they'd include me because I am west of 280. No, I'm too close to 280. So while I am less than two miles from some of them they see it as more feasible to scurry north or south 10 to 20 miles.

Perhaps I can prevail upon Pauly to bring me some Indian food on his next visit.

[Image caption] April 12, 2012 5:30 p. window #4

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.