April 29 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 29 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 29, 2012 8:50 p.

Marta stopped by with a bag of books and magazines for me to read—including two issues of "Lucky Peach." It's a rather addictive foodie magazine. I guess that's the best way to categorize it. You have to love a magazine which includes stickers!

I started baking bread again today in honor of Marta's visit. Best do it while I have a kitchen. I'm trying not to think of all the things I'll miss in prison.

[Image caption] April 29, 2012 4:30 p.  window #12 looking southeast.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 28 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 28 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 28, 2012 10 p.

Unhappy with yesterday's efforts at disruption Samantha returned today with a crew to thoroughly toss the house. People swarmed everywhere; pictures were pulled from the wall and removed from their frames. I haven't even attempted to reorganize. At least I didn't have to watch. The refrigerator installer returned during the commotion. He adjusted the new unit's temperature controls. Frozen celery is not edible. My handyman Joe also arrived. Helped by his son Tom he installed all the window a.c. units—in time to beat the inevitable warmer temperatures. Now I have a temperature controlled environment for my celery and for me.

[Image caption] April 28, 2012 12:22 p.  window #2 looking up and northeast.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The pencil used in the drawing is a Faber-Castell Albrecht Dürer Watersoluble Colored Pencil and the sky is rendered with gouache.

My internet connection seems to be working again—fingers crossed as I rush to get the final 3 days of this up so we can go on to other things—like the contest drawing winner!

Sorry, No New Images Today…

I have been having on-going intermittent service problems with Comcast. I'm unable to upload images and often lose my connection. Please check back in a couple days when posts will resume. Thanks.

April 27 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 27 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 27, 2012 11 p.

A completely insane day. How can being under house arrest be so hectic? Samantha came early to poke around for infractions. I walked away and sat at my drawing board while she destroyed the feng shui. She was still at it when Kelsey arrived for her tutorial. The whole world knows about my indiscretions but it seems that Kelsey's parents, slower or more self-absorbed than most only know now; they want their 21-yr-old to have no more contact—against which of course Kelsey is rebelling. She insisted on spending our session, which if her parents have their way, is our last discussing the merits of art forgery as a career choice. I know she just wants to understand me finally and to line up what she believes she knows with what she can't understand. It's not even tempting to justify. I feel even more protective towards her. I simply explained the world has changed, the business has changed. Her skills are useful elsewhere. Why go into matters of temperament? In any discussion as to motives you can't get away from the word "fraud." Somewhere in all her questions is that little girl's voice, trembling and hurt that I didn't see the potential in her. In time this will be a funny after dinner anecdote for her. "It turns out the art teacher I had in my teens was a master forger…" She helped me tidy up. I gave her a small self-portrait she's always admired…in case her parents have their way and there is no "next Friday."

[Image caption] April 27, 2012 5 p.  window #12 looking southeast and way up…and using the last of that crap cobalt…

[Side note, left side of painting] tore the paper!

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 26 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 26 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

[Inserted note on light blue Magnai Pescia.] Sweet thing, you are my best girl, a treasure. Karl

April 26, 2012 10 p.

It's odd not to hear from Karl in months and then this note. He's more lawyered up and locked down than I am. Tuesday Pauly said that things were not going well for Kar's case, so I guess I'm not surprised to receive such a cryptic and slightly maudlin note—"Best girl," I never was. Nor sweet—unless acid is sweet. As a mentor Karl always needed translating into the vernacular. But how like him to scrawl his note on a bit of pescia. So casual with resources as he gets ready for jail.

[Image caption] April 26, 2012 1:35 p.  looking northeast.

[Note: "window 2" omitted]

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The pencil used in the drawing is a Faber-Castell Albrecht Dürer Watersoluble Colored Pencil and the sky is rendered with gouache.

April 25 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 25 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 25, 2012 10 p.

Pauly solved the refrigerator crisis in zero time. He daily earns his retainer. But no sooner did the appliance guy leave with the old refrigerator than the construction noise started up. Pauly can't do anything about that. All day it has been the whine and thump of machinery as old road is sawed up, busted out, and removed. Sometimes for fun some metallic banging was thrown in. Now that their long work day is finished, and at least for now no night crew has shown up I've finally realized there is no noise to hear. The new Whirlpool hums along so whisper quiet that I stood in the kitchen several minutes staring into space, wondering what I'd "forgotten." And then I had to open and close the door several times to convince myself it was really on! 

[Image caption] April 25, 2012 10:06 a.  window #1 There is a promise of a lovely day in these fast-moving, dramatically changing clouds. I can sit on the floor and look up and out the window for hours—but time would be better spent on the trainer.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 24 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 24 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 24, 2012 9:50 p.

I couldn't stand it any more—no matter where I went in the house or how many doors I closed I couldn't escape the loud, insistent burbling and whirring of the refridgerator [sic]—like a giant's stomach in need of pepto bismal. I've even been wearing ear plugs at night!

Pauly took all my wish list highlights down at the end of our meeting—admitting that even he couldn't stand the noise for a brief time. He promised to send an intern to arrange purchase and delivery. For this at least I don't mind being housebound. But it is very hard to think, and plan, and work with this noise. Another lengthy bicycling session is my only recourse…wheel noise drowning out the other.

[Image caption] April 24, 2012 11:50 p.  window #1 high up, only a smidge of cloud. Overcoming my objections to F.U.B. 

Note: F.U.B. refers to the pigment name French Ultramarine Blue.


The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 23 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 23 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 23, 2012 11:10 p.

Embarrassment again—but I couldn't think of anything else to do but set off the alarm. I'd come outside to do my painting and the old door knob lock—which has no key—decided to shift into place. I must have twisted the knob when I opened it to exit. Without a cell phone on me how was I to reach anyone—if not by setting off my alarm?

I think all the anger directed towards me by the police was displaced disappointment over a poor response time of 14 minutes. I know they will bill me for this, but I'm just glad it happened on a clear day and I didn't have to wait in the rain.

A 24-hour locksmith approved by the police has just left…taking the offending door knob with him, so this can't happen again. I've even stashed a new key outside in case I'm less than vigilant with the workings of the new lock. 

[Image caption] April 23, 2012 6:35 p.  window #12 looking southeast from outside the door.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

April 22 in Roz's 2012 Fake Journal

Above: April 22 in the 2012 fake Journal. Click on the image to view an enlargement. Read below for details.

Transcript:

April 22, 2012 10:15 p.

The paper carried a small self congratulatory piece on the death of Jimmy Ping today. The report was curt and moralistic. It lacked any insight or background—nothing on his survival through WWII and his later escape from Communist China. Nothing on his abilities to support, protect, and save an ever growing extended family with nothing more than wit and bravery. OK, also cunning. No one was more honest and true—or more cunning.

The reporters attributed his suicide to remorse and a desire to avoid prison time. Ping lived without remorse—only great joy: an inner joy even prison cannot deprive you of. People will never know nor care. This last decision was based like all others on the realities of present life—stage 5 cancer.

It is not difficult to accept his choice. It is distressing to imagine officials swarming through his lovely, simple home; ransacking it in a futile attempt to find his records and get some grasp of his oeuvre—a list perhaps of all those forgeries he signed so expertly. I will miss his joy.

[Image caption] April 22, 2012 1:05 p.  window #1 The beginning of a brief break in the clouds. Then a brilliant blue and white sky and then as quickly an all grey sky.

The journal is a 7 x 10 inch handmade journal containing Nideggen paper. The pen used is a Preppy fountain pen. The sky is rendered with gouache.

Congratulations on Completing IFJM 2012!

It's over. You're through (unless you've decided for reasons of your own to keep going with your fake journal). You can step back, away from your character, and take a look at what you created.

I suggest that you do that in the next week or so. Give yourself some time off not looking at your fake journal. (I know it's so wonderful to have completed it it's a bit difficult to put it down, but "walk away" as they say in the cooking competition shows.)

When you do come back to your fake journal, spend a few minutes just flipping through the pages and getting an impression of the whole. Then allow yourself to think about what efforts you made to create it. How did you arrange for time in your day? How were you able to keep on track? If you went off track and had a couple days off why? And if you had a couple days off how did you get back to it? (It's perfectly fine not to journal every day of IFJM—some past participants have only journaled once a week!)

Look at your results based on your original goals. Did you make a list of those goals when you started? If so, get that list out now and compare what you accomplished with that list of goals.

Did your goals change during IFJM? Perhaps you had life coming at you from all directions and the time you set aside for IFJM evaporated down to 12 minutes or less a day??? How did you cope with that reality?

Part of IFJM is finding out your own real patterns and responses to journaling in your life. If you can keep up a healthy practice while being someone else what can you bring from that experience into your actual life to improve your daily journaling practice?

At its best IFJM gets the participant to look at part of his or her life he or she might not look at closely enough during the rest of the year. We are forced to look at time constraints we self-impose, or take for granted and let others impose on our lives. We allow ourselves to look at wishes, dreams, mindsets, attitudes, characteristics, and reality from a different perspective.

It's time to look at what you want for your creative life, all year round. This weekend or on an evening later this week, I suggest you take time with your fake journal and look into this question of what you want for your creative life.

Today, enjoy the completion of your project. You did it. Don't beat yourself up if it wasn't exactly what you had hoped. If we had unlimited time and resources of course things would be different. But accomplishing what you can in the time available is just one way to keep your creative engine running smoothly. It's a tune up.


It's also about living in the present moment—which is what journaling is about and why fake journaling is done in the present moment and not in one great gulp like a work of fiction.

I've been on a scanning delay, so over the next several days you'll continue to see the final 9 pages of my journal posted here. I'll post about the contest drawing after that.

Also, if you would like to do a write up about your experience participating in IFJM (sharing answers to some of the questions posed earlier in this post) and discuss how fake journaling might impact your future journaling, please let me know. If you write your assessment before May 12 and post it on your blog and send me a link I'll include a link to your write up in a wrap up post here. If you aren't going to post it on your blog but still want to share it you can send it to me and I'll post it here (pieces may be edited for length). If you have only one or two thoughts you'd like to share you can of course just add them in a comment to this post. Whatever works for you.


Thank you to everyone who participated in IFJM 2012.

To those who shared their entries publicly (on the participants link list in the right-hand column of this blog), thank you for taking up the challenge and pushing yourselves.

To those who have participated privately, but have written to provide me with updates and share your thoughts, thank you also for taking a step outside your comfort zone all to discover more about yourself.

Life's so short, why live only one!